Love & Values

Want More Love & Values?

You have so much love, values, and wisdom to share with your kids, but if your day is anything like mine, there just isn’t enough time to get it all done. I realized that at the end of the day, I wanted to be sure that my son knew a few things like: I loved him unconditionally; what matters most in life; and other nuggets of wisdom.

love, values, wisdom, bedtime, sleep

Learning Love & Values Automatically

Kids learn by what they see everyday and by repetition. So, you not only need to practice what you preach by modeling the type of love and values you want your kids to have, but you have to be consistent and repeat, repeat, repeat. No one is perfect, so kids are not always getting messages of love and values. And, we have to add others to this equation… that’s other parents, teachers, classmates, siblings, family members, tv, games, etc. So, how can we be sure our kids go to sleep with their head filled with Love and Values, rather than performance on a spelling test, spilling milk at dinner, fighting with sibling, a Mindcraft game, etc.?

Love & Values Made Easy Way

As I finished putting my son to bed every night, I would turn off the lights and sing him the song… Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star. And, he would drift off to sleep. Then, I would go to my room and use audio technology as I fell asleep, that makes positive suggestions to change programming in the subconscious. And, one night I decided to just substitute the words for the song, Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star. I found myself saying all the things I wished I had time to say during the day, and my son was getting these very powerful messages at the very best time to receive them… in that sleepy state where you can bypass the conscious mind. And still, every night, I sing to him about how much I love him; what I’m grateful for; all the things he can be proud of; praise his effort, hard work, and kindness; and whatever else comes to mind.

What You Can Do Right Now

Take advantage of the very magical time as your kiddo is falling asleep to share with them how much you love them and what your values are. As they get sleepy, they become sponges to anything you say. This is a wonderful time to tell them how much you love them, apologize, tell them how precious they are to you, tell them all the things you are grateful for, remind them of all their strengths, praise their effort, hard work, problem solving skills, creativity, and ability to be a kind sibling and good friend.  You can sing all this love, values, and wisdom to the tune of your favorite lullaby. It’s never to early or late to start! If you need help getting started, I put my lullaby of love and values into a book, called Yawning Yawning, Time for Bed, and it is available HERE.

Your kids are too important to miss out on what you have to share with them, and what you know is too important not to share!

Lots of Light,



Got Parenting? What Kind of Relationship Do You Want With Your Child?

Your Parenting Style Is Your Relationship with Your Child

parenting, conscious parenting, kids, trust

Parenting with love, anger, fear? Everything you do and say is forming the type of relationship you have and will have with your child. Are you in a dictator relationship where they do what you say no questions asked? Are you in a manipulative relationship where they will say and do what they know you want to hear in fear that perhaps you won’t approve of them or love them if they have their own opinions? Or, are you in a conscious relationship where your child can have their own likes and dislikes, their own opinions, and come to you easily with their needs and problems? Perhaps it’s a combination of the above or something different entirely. Either way, you have the awesome opportunity to be the person your child trusts and loves enough to go to with their joys, fears, successes, failures, embarrassments, needs, worries and more throughout their life.

Parenting Style of My Childhood

For some reason, I grew up feeling like I was never good enough… like I had to be perfect… I couldn’t make mistakes… and that I just wasn’t worthy. My parents were good parents, but we never talked about emotions and we were shown conditional love… meaning if we had bad behavior, they would get angry with us. Thing is, I got the message that it was not ok to mess up, and when I mess up they get mad. So, when I did have struggles and even messed up as a young adult more than once, I didn’t know who to turn to. I could have really used a loving parent to lean on, but I was too ashamed and afraid of the judgement I would receive if I opened up… probably more a result of religious dogma and fear, but nonetheless, my truth at the time.

Your Parenting Style and Your Kids

My son is now 6, and I love him no matter what. I am sure to tell him that all the time. I do also make a point to always validate his feelings and set limits on his behavior. Interesting enough, that is not the norm. I was at a back-to-school orientation night, and the director was asking us in the audience to list some qualities that we value in our homes. And, I raised my hand and said “unconditional love”.  She disagreed in front of the entire auditorium and went on to say that it’s pretty hard to love a kid when they are doing the wrong thing. I was shocked at the matter of fact way she discounted what I said. I had truly learned to love my son even though he doesn’t always do the right thing… I had to… my son was just that kid who did the wrong thing often, and I hated the person I was becoming, getting mad and reacting to unwanted behavior rather than responding to it. It was not working for either of us. I’m happy I had the opportunity to learn how to love my son even when he’s not doing the right thing. Besides constantly helping him to identify his own emotions, I feel like I am constantly reassuring him it’s ok to have emotions and make mistakes while teaching him appropriate ways to handle them both.

Love Based Parenting Style Could Change the World

What would happen if all kids got the message that they were loved no matter what? If kids knew they were loved even if they got bad grades, or tried drugs, or had sex or got pregnant? I’m not saying you have to like what they did, I’m just presenting what it would be like if kids who got themselves into a mess actually had an unconditionally loving parent to turn to for help. Perhaps that kid wouldn’t even get into a mess… they’d talk to you about their struggle with their teacher or that subject in school and they would come talk to you about wanting to have sex or about how they may be feeling pressured to have sex. Then, these secure kids would grow into adults knowing they are loved even though they are not perfect, so they can skip the many years of having to learn to love and accept themselves as they are (because they already do) and get right to making a contribution to our world.

Conscious Parenting Can Begin Early

Do you love your kids unconditionally? Really? Can they be who they want and still get your attention? How often does your child come to you with an embarrassing situation or an intimate feeling or thought? How often do you share either with them? I was recently talking with a friend whose husband is a good guy but is sadly distancing himself from his daughter. He had taking her on a hike but decided not to bring water. He talked about how he spent many hours as a kid helping out his family and didn’t have water… and he was proud of how tough it made him. Problem was, in talking to her daughter, my friend finds out that she was really thirsty on the hike, but she didn’t say anything to her father. Was she embarrassed that she needed water… did she think he wouldn’t approve since he could go without water? Whatever the case… this little girl was unable to acknowledge one of her most basic primary needs and communicate that to a person she is supposed to love and trust. What is this teaching her about her needs? That her needs are not important… to not speak up… to comply so that others will love her! Wow, this is so dangerous. All because a father wants to teach their child something. Note to this father and other parents like him: Your child will NOT be coming to you when they are being pressured into sex or drugs if they can’t even express that they are thirsty!

Parenting Made Simple

Love is the answer. Don’t worry so much about what you want to teach your kid. Worry more about modeling how to think constructively, plan ahead, and love with your whole heart. Model how to handle your emotions eloquently. Model how to have fun in a safe way and how to say no when you want to. If you want to teach them something, then ask them how they are feeling? Ask them to check in with their bodies to see if they are hungry or thirsty or feeling like some exercise. Ask them, before the hike, if they’d like to bring water or a snack? (Then when they take a friend for a hike, they’ll consider their friend’s needs and ask them if they would like to bring water, etc.) Empower them with the tools of how to be prepared, how to love, how to understand what they are feeling, and of how to use their voice. Do this by modeling it for them and talking with them about it on a daily basis. Your kids are our future!

Love yourself and your kids enough to be the person they turn to when they need someone most.

Lots of Light,

Candice T . Aguirre