Category Archives: Misbehavior

Saying Goodbye to Unwanted Behavior

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Had Enough of an Inappropriate Behavior?

kid behind desk

This Behavior Has Got to Stop!

Ok, it’s no secret that I reached the point where I had do something to help my son understand that his behavior is NOT appropriate. Every time we entered the chiropractor’s office, my son would crawl on the floor, hiding, then making loud non-nonsensical vocalizations that were just to make noise. He would continue to try to play a game of peek-a-boo with the receptionist, by jumping into the air and then back down to the ground, hitting and kicking the desk and making more sounds. No actual words actually came out of his mouth. He would pay no attention to the others in the office, often getting in their way and/or bumping them too. My son is almost six, so this behavior is NOT appropriate. And, no matter how much I tried to get him to stand up and say “Hello” as we entered, he would not do it.

AH – HA Moment

This was not the first time my son had unexpected behavior. I had already started listening to parenting materials, reading books & blogs, and even taking classes. What I’m going to share with you is something I learned along the way, blending information from it all. I did have an ah-ha moment in an ABA class, which is all about methods to teach appropriate behavior and reduce inappropriate behavior, specifically to kids on the spectrum. That day during class, I created my PLAN. In all the visits to the chiropractors office, I just assumed my son would know to walk in nicely, say hello and not make a scene. But, this is not the case. My son needed massive amounts of prepping, reinforcement and practice.  The appropriate behavior would need to be broken down into steps and pretaught to him. Additionally, he was obviously needing some playfulness, so I took that into consideration when I made my plan. I also realized that his inappropriate behavior was also actually being reinforced… as the receptionist would smile warmly and laugh and giggle at him. She was not aware he was not in control of himself or had the struggles he does, so she just though he was playing a game with her. Anyway, I also realized that if I don’t teach my son exactly what to do in new situations, then any behavior is fair game.

MY PLAN – Behavior Extinction

First, I created a social story with several steps and pictures that explained exactly what the “expected” behavior was. I reviewed it with him many times and told him he would get a star for every step. Then, we practiced it 10 times in one afternoon…. that is, I entered the office with him 10 times and supported him through each of the steps, giving him stars along the way. Steps included things like ‘stand up, make “eye contact” and say “hello”‘. I also talked to the receptionist about our plan and got her on board with it. Now, weeks later, I still gently prep him with some verbal reminders on the way to the front door, and I am there for support if he forgets the next step or to make eye contact or to answer a question. I also added a playful element to replace the peek-a-boo with the receptionist. I talked to him about it first. Then to “practice”, I hid 2 small objects in the car near his seat for him to find. They were peeking out from behind things like the seat belt or the car seat. Then, I told him I would do this before I picked him up from school, so he could find them when he gets in the car. I finished it with reminding him the office is not a place to play, and that we need to enter appropriately with the “expected” behavior we had discussed. Even if I had taught a replacement behavior, it may not have been so successful if I didn’t meet his motivation of playfulness and peek-a-boo with the receptionist.

  1. Create a Social Story with pictures and words of every step
  2. Review with Child Beforehand
  3. Lots of Repeated Supported Practice and Reward Every Step (I gave a star)
  4. Replace the motivation/meet their needs another way (peek a boo in the car instead of the office)
  5. Less Supported Practice ongoing as needed and fade out rewards

Now that this behavior is basically extinct, I’m focusing on the next biggest challenging behavior. I am so grateful for all the tools I’ve learned in all the classes I’ve been taking, along with all my teacher training. Parenting a kid with a strong will and unique needs is not a walk in the park. Best of luck to you.

Lots of Light, Candice.

How to Change Any Behavior

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Kids are Talking… not misbehaving!

behavior challenges, behavior as communication, anger, misbehavior,

ADULTS – STOP YELLING, START LISTENING…

If one thing can raise our blood pressure or make steam come out of our ears as parents and/or teachers, it’s unwanted and unexpected behaviors. We’ve all got that in common, as kids come prewired with a lot of behaviors. The thing is, there’s a key piece of information that we have not been given… but it’s the most important thing you need to know as a parent and/or teacher. That is this: Behavior is NOT a discipline problem, it’s actually communication. Yes, the kids around you are speaking! They are scared, upset, worried, anxious, insecure, tired, sad, angry, happy, blood sugar is off, etc… First thing is to realize that behavior is a means of communication, not a lack of obedience. Let go of the power struggles and LISTEN!

DECODING BEHAVIOR 101

Don’t get mad for behavior… acknowledge it and talk to your kids. “Hey, I can see you’re really upset, what’s going on?” Remember, it’s okay that your kids get upset. It’s actually very normal and all people do. Now is the time to teach them it’s okay to talk about what is making them upset, and show them they can trust the people in their life to help.

QUICK BEHAVIOR STORY

My 5 year old son was acting out after school, and it got worse as the week went on. He was irritable, angry, short, and almost impossible when we got home. I finally talked to him. He has some expressive language deficits among other needs, so it was not easy…. but I finally understood from him that he was upset that all the other kids got to eat a treat for a birthday, but he didn’t. See, I had asked the teachers to not feed him outside food with a list of ingredients I wanted him to avoid, like food coloring, sugar, etc. My hope was to help control some of his ongoing struggles. When I realized how much pain the restricted diet was causing and even potential emotional damage, I let it go. He immediately shifted, and I was shocked at this new happier kid. We eat very healthy at home, and he still makes healthy choices, but for my family, lifting the diet restrictions in the classroom was the right choice. My son didn’t want to feel even more different and was so happy to just fit in. He has no allergies, so this was an option for us. Other ways to modify this if your child does have allergies would be to find a sweet treat that is acceptable to you and your child. Both of you agree ahead of time that this will be the treat in the classroom and your child will be better prepared when they don’t get what the other kids get.

CHANGE ANY BEHAVIOR

The difficulty of changing any behavior will vary for every kid and every situation. Some kids and/or situations will require just a conversation or some observation to understand what they were trying to say with their behavior. And, other kids and/or situations may need to be taught specifically what the desired behavior is. In fact, research says, if you want to change any behavior, you’ve got to TEACH A REPLACEMENT BEHAVIOR. You can really change any behavior; yes it’s possible! You can’t just say, “No, don’t do this/that”… you’ve got to actually teach what the “expected” and/or appropriate behavior is and give positive reinforcement. With my kid, when I really want to put an inappropriate behavior on extinction, I will create a social story about the expected behavior, walk him through every step of the right behavior, then use some repetition to practice it, rewarding him with every step (we use stars). We do this over and over and over until it’s muscle memory to do the “expected” behavior. Read more about it here…

What are some behaviors you would like to change with your kids? Have you tried talking to them? Have you taught a replacement behavior? Let’s talk about it.

Lots of Light, Candice.